Liturgising My Little Life
An interesting thing has happened to me (in me?) in recent months. Ordinarily, I love words, I love talking to people, and I love talking about God with others. Words are my friends! Articulation and communication are quite strong skills of mine, and I use them in a number of different areas and pursuits. One area that has become very devoid of words, however, is in my prayer life. It’s not at all because I don’t want to pray, nor because I don’t have anything to pray for, and not even because I struggle to come before God and be present… I still pray (I think), just without words. I often just sit. Not intentionally - it’s just that no words come together, not even in my head, and sometimes even after trying really hard. It’s often genuine, soul-deep silence. It’s still beautiful, still very deep, and I still feel like God’s drawn me closer and brought me more clarity and peace. It’s still prayer (I think). It’s just not very handy when someone asks me to pray out loud in some situation and I basically can’t. Not in my own words, anyway. (I’m still sitting with this spiritual brain-freeze phenomenon, and I’m okay with that - it’s just part of the backstory here.) In situations like this I might turn to a karakia that I know, a relevant Psalm, or a prayer of Jesus or Paul… or sometimes I turn to liturgy. Other people’s prayers, some ancient, and some more recent. And now, some of my own! Let me explain.
I’m big on liturgical worship, ironically more so since being immersed in the Baptist community (which I do love being part of and do call home). In recent weeks I’ve found myself chucking together some words in my Notes app, and calling them my own personal liturgies. I’m not claiming in the slightest that writing ancient or beautifully poetic and Scriptural liturgies is an easy task you can just ‘chuck together,’ but given the word liturgy just means “work for the people,” I am finding value in having set prayers that work for just this person. Some of them are LONG, and some are just a few sentences. Some are very eloquent - I’ve really crafted them and engaged the gruntier theological stuff lurking in my brain somewhere. Others are pretty raw and unpolished.
My main goal is essentially to write prayers that I know, knowing myself, I will need to pray again - prayers for those situations that seem to pop up repeatedly throughout my normal life, and that I want to draw nearer to God in the midst of. Prayers that give me words when I actually do want words. Some of the prayers I’ve ‘chucked together’ include:
A liturgy for when I feel abandoned
A liturgy for when I’m anxious about a text thread/conversation
A liturgy for bland and dull days (included below)
And a couple of other more private ones I won’t be posting on the internet.
Obviously, I’m just one person. My life with God, my personality and experiences, my gifts and my vices are all at play when I respond to a situation. The difficult feelings I experience regularly will probably be different to yours, and the response I’m after will also probably need to be different. Therefore, the liturgies that are beginning to shape my life would be different to yours - and wonderfully so!
The other thing about liturgical prayers, though, is that they don’t tend to only address God about a *thing* - they’re more rhythmic than that, and often include descriptions of God, references to Scripture, can be call-and-response in format, and can be really rich theological truths in beautiful, poetic form. Liturgical prayers aren’t only scaffolding; they’re also works of art. Phrases straight from Scripture, wrapped in hope, that can shape our perception and speak to us in that moment. And so, in my recurring situations with my feelings and my regular sense of *God, it’s happened again - I feel [fill in the blank]* I’m also equipping future me to preach to my own soul the truths and things I know I need reminding of, by capturing them in these prayers.
For those of you who aren’t so familiar with scripted, liturgical prayers, or for whom words aren’t necessarily your friends, ‘breath prayers’ are another awesome way to meet a similar need without the writing process. The idea with these is that they’re a prayer so short you can pray it in one breath; sometimes it’s in two parts, where you pray one half as you inhale, and the second half as you exhale. There was one year of my life where I continually prayed the sentence “You’re a good God, and I trust You” whenever I felt anxious or concerned about something. It became a reflex, and it was rhythmic—it was an internal liturgy.
I invite you to explore what writing your own prayers for moments in your life might look like. Is there a certain situation or kind of interaction that always seems to fill you with stress, or anger, or fear, that a rhythmic liturgical prayer could be really helpful for? Perhaps in that recurring situation is a precious opportunity to prepare a piece of your own liturgy - something that you preach to yourself when you need it, and that will help you turn towards God in moments that it’s harder to remember to do so. Breath prayers are a really great access point into this kind of prayer too—perhaps one sentence is enough.
If you’re loving this liturgy idea but don’t necessarily want to write your own, here are a few resources you could check out:
Kate Bowler writes blessings for situations and moments that come out of her own life, work, study and conversations. One of my favourites of hers is “A blessing for when today already feels too much” - find that prayer and the rest of her archives here. https://katebowler.com/blessings/
Every Moment Holy produce such wonderful prayer resources - so far they have two books of liturgical prayer, one for everyday moments (e.g. “A liturgy for changing diapers,”), and another for death, grieving and hope (e.g. “A liturgy for grieving a national tragedy”). I (personally) cannot recommend them and what they do enough - find their prayer books, and some free downloads of select liturgies, here. https://www.everymomentholy.com/
Strahan Coleman—a wonderful Kiwi man—has a deeply rich spiritual life shaped by the monastic tradition and many other influences, and he shares prayers and musings on various platforms. He also has a book of prayers he’s written - check out Commoner’s Communion on Instagram and his Spotify podcast. https://www.commonerscommunion.com/
And finally, Lectio 365 is a fantastic app with morning and evening liturgies each day—listening to them in the car has been real blessing to me.
To close, here’s one of mine. These prayers are the start of an exciting prayer journey in my life - perhaps this seed of an idea excites you too.
A liturgy for bland and dull days
Jesus,
Today was a bland one.
My brain... slow
My body... slow
I don’t have a lot to show for myself or my time.
Where I’ve let the day run over me
instead of stepping into it with purpose,
I’m sorry.
Bless my sleep and help me try again tomorrow.
Thank you for your new mercies that come with that dawn.
Yet also remind me
that my worth does not hang on what I produce or achieve -
that whatever did, or didn’t, take place today,
whatever is done and whatever is left undone,
my place with you stays the same.
Your love doesn’t go anywhere.
My usefulness to you has no bearing
on my immovable, irreversible belovedness.
Thank you.
Make me holier today, Jesus.
If nothing else, be present here with me.
If all that I have to show for today is a
slightly-more-aware-of-You version of me,
That’s a good day.
~
Grace Paddison is student at Carey Baptist College - Te Kāreti Iriiri o Carey and regular contributor at Metanoia.