So, You’re Searching for a New Faith Community. What Comes Next?
For a range of reasons, there are times when we find ourselves looking for a new community of faith, whether because of change of life’s circumstances, or an experience of religious trauma. For me, while a difficult process, searching for a new church was an empowering and fulfilling experience. I had been at the same church for 15 years, and found the experience of looking for a new community to be one that let me, for the first time in my life, think deeply about what I valued in a church and what I believed Christian gathering and worship should look like. However, negative narratives around “church shopping” and criticisms about a lack of commitment can easily taint this process. To try and help others who are embarking on this journey, I’ve put together some questions to think through, and some resources that may be helpful to frame your searching process.
“I went through a long, sometimes frustrating process of church hunting when I moved to Auckland in early 2020. I attended the same church my entire life in Wellington, so it was very new territory. It actually felt quite uncomfortable: I felt like I was “shopping” for churches, which to me seemed an entirely inappropriate concept in regards to God’s house. But finding a church community to be a part of was one of my top priorities in my move (alongside finding a therapist which, surprisingly, was a lot easier to do) and so the search for a church began.
I am two and a half years into this journey. I have found a church—after giving three others a decent amount of time and effort—and am getting to know the young adults better and starting to integrate into the community. It has been hard, but I want to encourage anyone who is in the uncomfortable in-between space that church is not the be-all, end-all of your spirituality or faith journey. To be fair, as a theology student, I spend every week engaging in conversations about God, so my search for a church was much more about community than it was theological input. But there are fantastic online sermons and worship music that can encourage and enrich you while you go through this process. Church is not a telephone booth that you must use to access communication with God. There are a lot of big questions at the moment regarding what the church was, is and ought to be. It’s okay to take time to figure out what you think, expect, need, and can give. Through it all, God is unendingly gracious.” - Rebecca, Metanoia Editor
Be inquisitive
Before you get too far into your search process, it is helpful to establish the things which are important for you in a church community. I had three questions, but you could have as many or as few as you like. Here are some ideas you could pick from, but I encourage you to add your own which build from your own experiences in church.
What is this church’s commitment to te Tiriti o Waitangi?
How welcome are to the LGBTQIA+ community?
Who is in leadership?
Who is up the front? (Is this a diverse group? Do you feel seen?)
What reflection on the person of Christ does this space reveal?
Is there space for me to ask questions?
Am I able to be vulnerable here? Do I feel safe being vulnerable here?
How does this church see their purpose? Does this align with how I see the purpose of the church?
There are many more areas of church life which you could ask questions about. Some of these questions will be answered simply by attending a couple of services, but for the deeper ones I encourage you to sit down with someone in leadership in the church to ask them how they would respond. Their answers might not be perfect, but you’ll be able to see what their heart is.
“Sometimes it can be a bit like dating: a first date is good for testing the waters and checking for any of the big red flags, but it might be a little awkward. So long as there aren’t any deal breakers, you go on second and third dates to see if it’ll actually work.”Be flexible
While looking for a new church can be a time to be curious and discover what suits you best, it is also important to have flexibility. Instead of searching with a list of concrete non-negotiables, remember that it is unlikely that any church will tick all of your boxes, and it is probably better for it not to. A church community is a place where you should feel welcome, safe, and an ability to spiritually grow, but there should be room within this for your community of faith to challenge you. The church I ended up committing to had good answers to my questions, but also had things which I found uncomfortable (and, interestingly, have since grown to love). Instead of viewing church as a product to consume—in which case it would need to perfectly meet your needs—see it as a community to slowly allow yourself to relationally invest into. Depending on your past experience, it can take time to get to this place of vulnerability, but the flexibility to find an imperfect, but safe, church is truly valuable.
Be intentional
Committing to a community of faith is a big decision, and not something that should be rushed into or approached lightly. Ideally, this is a time when you can find a community that you want to be with longterm. Approach this process intentionally, and take seriously the opportunity that you now have to find a place of belonging. There’s no rush and it is ok to be gentle with yourself in this process. You’ve got time to give churches a couple of tries before writing them off. Sometimes it can be a bit like dating: a first date is good for testing the waters and checking for any of the big red flags, but it might be a little awkward. So long as there aren’t any deal breakers, you go on second and third dates to see if it’ll actually work.
Be supported
For many of us, the process of finding a new community of faith is accompanied by hurt from previous church experiences. As you are embarking on this journey, find people who can support you and encourage you in your faith along the way. This might be family or friends who know you well and can help you to identify the type of community which will be best for your spiritual journey. For me, that person was my mum. She came with me to visit a number of churches and helped to talk through the things I liked and disliked. There may also be mentors or other supporters from outside your circles, like therapists or those with theological expertise. Finding people to challenge and encourage you will help to bring perspective and clarify your thoughts and experiences.
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Jaimee van Gemerden is editor at Metanoia.
