Can the Church Be Inclusive? My Experience Pastoring Queer Youth

Most local churches and youth groups pride themselves on being welcoming and loving places. But is the local church a place of safety for all young people? I’d argue many are not. For many of our Queer young people the church, Christians, and Jesus are symbols of oppression that bring a sense of fear, shame, and guilt. The church should be a safe space for all our young people, so how do we make it a safe space for Queer youth? 

There are many youth leaders, pastors, and youth workers who are struggling to find ways to make their church community or youth group feel safe for Queer young people. Queer is an umbrella term when referring to the LGBTQIA+ community; many people within the community use the term as an identifier for themselves or to replace saying LGBTQIA+. Queer can also be used to describe someone who is gender diverse or sexual identity diverse. From 2016 to 2017 I was running a youth group and studying to be a youth pastor when two Queer young people helped to open my eyes to how unsafe and exclusionary the gendered structures of church felt. The youth group, like many others, had small groups and camp policies divided by gender, and we were careless (myself included) in the language we used for people, e.g.: “hey guys, dudes” etc. When we talked about relationships it was only ever between a man and a woman. These conversations with my young people inspired me to do a research project around pastoral care for LGBT youth, and to restructure the small groups at the youth ministry I was at to lose the gendered focus.

I wish cultural change in our group had been that easy but these things rarely are. The gendered structures of the youth ministry were so ingrained that it upset many other youth. Instead of them being segregated by gender they were now seperated by age. Some youth loved this; they enjoyed not being defined by their gender and having the ability to hear from a wide range of people. Others, including youth leaders, struggled with not being able to talk about ‘girly’ things because the boys were there too. Comments were made that this mixing of genders would cause the boys to become too ‘feminine’. From these comments and conversations it revealed that there would need to be a lot of work done before the youth group could be a safe space for anyone who was gender diverse, let alone sexual identity diverse.

As a result of this experience I have been trying to learn, study, and find ways to help create safe spaces for Queer young people within Christianity. I’ve identified four simple ways that churches can begin to adapt their spaces to become more welcoming for Queer young people and adults: language is important, assumptions cause distrust, and understanding that Queer spaces within Christianity provide a fuller picture of humanity and relationship.

The words we use and say on a daily basis are important. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer (Psalm 14:19).  If you are wanting to create a more inclusive, welcoming place then auditing your language is a must. Use gender inclusive language, and ask someone’s pronouns. If you misgender someone, apologise and move on, do not make a big deal about it. Think carefully about your language, does it honour who God has created this person to be? Is it honouring to God?

Let go of assumptions. There is the saying that assuming makes an ass out of you and me. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion (Proverbs 18:2). We cannot assume to know someone’s sexuality, gender, ethnicity, or cultural makeup based on their appearance. As youth pastors when we bring these assumptions into the world, with the language we use, we are revealing the expectations of normality for the space we are in charge of. If we create a space that is built on the assumption that everyone is white, straight, and cis-gendered that sets a precedent that anyone outside of that is not welcomed or is abnormal. By not creating assumptions, or speaking those assumptions over people, we are allowing them to share their identity and themselves in their own time and ways. This can allow for them to feel safer in the space, but also the space becomes so much richer when it is full of diversity and structured around this diversity.

When we are more aware of the diversity and complexities within humanity it reveals a fuller and richer picture of the Creator. For many societal spaces being a white, straight, cis-gendered person is seen as the normality. In our modern context, particularly in International Pride Month this June, we are getting to hear other voices; voices from people who have had to fight to be heard because they are “other” to that of the expected social norm. When we listen, engage, and create space for these diverse voices it can help to create a fuller image of God. This results in a vision of God that is no longer bound to the limits of societal constructions such as gender, class, or race. As Christians we need diversity in all the spaces we occupy not only for a fuller understanding of the love of God, but also for a fuller understanding of the diversity of humanity that God has created.

Lastly, and most importantly, is relationship. Relationships and community is a strong part of many cultures including both the Queer community and Christian community. It is from relationships that we can grow, heal, be challenged and be loved as individuals and communally.  Building genuine relationships with people from the Queer community is important, but it’s also important to remember your intent. Are you only building a relationship with Queer people to use them as a resource? Or are you building a relationship with Queer people to better yourself, to be open to learning and understanding? There are Queer spaces where you can ask for resources such as Inside Out, Rainbow youth, and there is plenty of helpful literature (see: below). Building genuine relationships with Queer people can be difficult, many from the Queer community are hesitant or defensive around Christians. This is due to decades of hurt from the church, so give it time. Over time you can build these relationships, build trust and who knows they may be willing to give their input, their insight and experience into your spaces. 

Regardless of where you sit theologically around this topic, if you are a person who has power, mana, or is a leader within a church community you have a responsibility to ensure that space is a safe space for all people. I know that for our Queer young people, church should be a safe place for them and hopefully one day it can be. 

Here are some further resources on this topic:

Justin Lee, Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate.

Colby Martin, UnClobber: Rethinking our Misuse of the Bible on Homosexuality.

Mark Oestreicher, et al. 4 Views on Pastoring LGBTQ Teenagers: Effective Ministry to Gay, Bi, Trans, Queer, and Questioning Students Among Us. 

Preston Sprinkle, People to Be Loved: Why Homosexuality Is Not Just an Issue.

Preston Sprinkle and Stanley N. Gundry, Two Views on Homosexuality, the Bible, and the Church.

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Rosie Fleming currently pastors at Cityside Baptist and studies at the University of Otago.

Axios Faith Group is a fortnightly queer faith space for 13-30 years olds to ask questions about Christianity and to have fun together run by the author. For more information, see: @axiosfaithgroup.