Celebrating Pride, Countering Shame: The Importance of Pride (Month) for Queer Christians
It has been a hard week for queer folks in Aotearoa. Revelations of institutional homophobia at the Tauranga-based Christian school, Bethlehem College, recently made it into the media. These have taken an even darker turn, with a “suspicious fire” burning down Rainbow Youth drop-in centre in Tauranga. Such vicious discrimination drags the church’s homophobia back into the spotlight, reminding queer folks of our religious trauma. And despite all of this, we still say, “Happy Pride!”
Pride has been celebrated in June in the United States since the 1969 Stonewall riots. It is both a concept as well as a framework for events about celebrating LGBTQIA+ identities and demanding equal justice and opportunities. While Aotearoa has its own Pride months (e.g. February in Auckland, March in Wellington), the United States’ Pride month in June has ripple effects around the world, impacting us here in Aotearoa.
Last June, my partner said in passing, “Pride is really important to me.” This short phrase struck a chord within me, as I could not have said the same. As a bisexual cis woman (from Tauranga, no less), and also a follower of Jesus, Pride has not come easily to me. For me and other queer Christians that I have spoken to, such feelings of disconnection from Pride are common. Years spent inside non-affirming churches tell us to reject our diverse sexual and gender identities all together. These spaces tell us that we are not allowed to feel Pride—we must only feel shame and disgust.
The American Evangelical Association recently posted that “Pride is nothing to be proud of.” Not only does the Association believe that living as queer people is a sin, they also claim that queer Pride (understood here as conceit) is a sin. However, without Pride, it is easier to feel shame. Shame is holding negative views of the self as seen through others and one’s own eyes, a feeling of wrongness of one’s nature, of who one is as a person. Such feelings are common for many queer folks in non-affirming churches, who are implicitly encouraged to feel shame about our God-given identities and to hide or hate our true selves. Exposure to shaming remarks can be heightened for people who pass as straight (like me). Our non-affirming Christian friends and family might speak their mind without realising that it is the listener who is being hit by their homophobic, dagger-like words. When churches repeat the tired axiom of “love the sinner, hate the sin,” I hear, “you are wrong; you are not welcome here.”
It is unsurprising, then, that queer folks are overrepresented in mental health statistics. Shame can hinder LGBTQIA+ church folks from negotiating and constructing our identities, engaging with our faith communities, and from seeing ourselves as beautiful and worthy in God’s sight. This can lead to more intense internalised homophobia and poorer mental health. Although there is no(t yet) data specific to religious trauma in Aotearoa, a recent Stats NZ survey pointed out the severe impacts of homophobia more generally: LGBTQIA+ folks are twice as likely to experience discrimination as straight people, more than twice as likely to experience anxiety, and more than three times as likely to report daily feelings of depression. This is not trivial—it is a matter of life and death. As viral social media post has pointed out, “Pride is important because someone tonight still believes they’re better off dead than being gay.”
Contrary to the American Evangelical Assocation’s mortifying post, Pride is not about having a conflated sense of self worth; it is about having a sense of self worth to start with. For me, this is the crux of Pride: learning to love my queerness, despite all pressure to think otherwise. I liken it to the feeling when your loved ones do something great. You’d say, “I’m proud of you, buddy,” and they would feel that their efforts were seen, loved, and valued. But, because of the discrimination and hatred stacked against queer folks—often reinforced by fellow Christians—coming to love ourselves can require a real, intentional effort. Pride is a reminder to cheer ourselves and others on, to celebrate every little win and rejoice in our God-given identities.
Pride can also be an expression of solidarity, as my friend, Esmé Putt, explains:
“Pride is important to me, because every queer person I have ever met can tell me a story of the first movie they saw, the first song they listened to, or the first time they heard someone speak where they realised they weren’t alone. Even now, years after coming out and confidently being in a same sex relationship - and many movies, songs and friends later, I let out a little bit of breath I didn’t realise I was holding in each time I see someone in a room who shows me I’m not alone.”
For Esmé, and many other queer Christians, even the simplest gesture of LGBTQIA+ solidarity shows us that our existence matters. Despite being marginalised by Christians and broader society, we can remember that we are loved by God and so many others around the world. We are seen.
Pride, whether in church spaces or everyday lives, can normalise queerness. Pride months are dedicated times to show queer people that they matter and to fight for queer justice. Simply acknowledging Pride month in your church can tell a queer person that they are valued. Symbols of Pride, such as rainbow badges, Pride flags, or striped socks, are other small ways to support queer people (although they are not without their pitfalls—check out this link for an explanation of why). These gestures can be paired with actions to seek justice, such as supporting petitions or donating to LGBTQIA+ organisations (see the list below for ideas). Such gestures counter the legacy of shaming that persists within many Christian spaces.
Although Pride month in the US is nearing its end, the challenge for Christians in Aotearoa will continue on. Regardless of our theologies, it is undeniable that ignoring, shaming and invisibilising the queer folks in our churches is incredibly harmful. We must tackle homophobia within our churches and support queer Christians to feel Pride. And, instead of seeing queer Pride as arrogance and conceit, consider it as a reminder to view us through God’s eyes, to see us as fully human, whole, and beloved.
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Olivia (she/her) is a Pākehā psychology PhD student at the University of Auckland and attends St James/Hēmi Tapu in Māngere Bridge. She thanks all her queer mates who contributed to the ideas in this post.
Actions to take
Donate to RainbowYOUTH
Petition: Establish a Ministry for Rainbow Communities
Petition: Launch an investigation into the abuse at Bethlehem College
Petition: Better sex education in schools
Petition: Decriminalise homosexuality in the Cook Islands
Resources
Check out Rosie Fleming’s Metanoia post from last week for a wonderful, comprehensive list.
Support services
Diverse Church: A home for Rainbow people of faith and solidarity network of LGBTQI+ Christians all across New Zealand
OUTline NZ: Call 0800 688 5463 any evening from 6-9pm, or email them at info@outline.org.nz
Gender Minorities Aotearoa: A nationwide organisation to support transgender people, which is run by and for transgender people, including non-binary, intersex, and takatāpui gender diverse people.
Safe to Talk Kōrero mai ka ora: Call 0800 044 334, text 4334 or online chat to someone for confidential advice for sexual harm issues
RainbowYOUTH: A national youth-led organisation dedicated to supporting queer, gender diverse and intersex young people, as well as their whānau and wider communities.
1737: Call or free text 1737 any time to talk to a trained counsellor
LIFELINE: Call 0800 54 33 54 or free text HELP (4357) any time to talk to a trained counsellor